May 2013.
Kim’s made it through surgery, chemo and radiation. A massive feat. Every day was a countdown … one bit closer to the finish line. And she did it.
“I am cancer free.” I smile and nod but inside my heart sinks. How do you tell your friend who has been to hell and back the opposite of what they truly want and need to believe. How do you tell her that there is still more work to be done.
I want to share all of the information I learned when mom was sick, all the learning’s on general health & wellness in addition to what I am currently reading about and being recommended from people around me. A tsunami of information, way too much for anyone dealing with cancer to process. It is far too overwhelming. I need to filter and remember that everyone else in Kim’s life is sending boatloads of info as well.
It is important for a support person to navigate through the information and offer up the valuable parts that will be beneficial in chunks. Read as much as you can before hand … and read through the whole thing. There are articles and information I have come across that are great up until a certain point. There could be some information that is too harsh and may be upsetting. The outcome of cancer is all too real for all of us. We don’t need to be continually reminded of that outcome. I know Kim is confronted with her reality and the scariness of it all everyday and I my goal is to help reframe her mindset from fear to hope when she needs. It feels similar to coaching an athlete for a competition. They need to stay focused on the things that are going to advance you on the path to getting better.
I know one of the big changes that needs to happen is eating habits. Before cancer Kim didn’t eat vegetables … really ever … literally … or anything colour. Unless it was a red velvet cupcake. There were a few weeks where I would bring a different smoothie to work every day to try to find one she’d like. To get her to the other side … the island side. One day we hit the jackpot - kale (yup kale!!), pineapple, and banana smoothie! Whooo hooo!
I am introducing new good healthy choices in a palatable way. It takes courage to make these big shifts and I want the shift to be as easeful and doable as possible. Baby steps. Coaxing. Guiding … nudging in a loving and FIRM way until it becomes a part of her. One habit at a time. We focus on one thing consistently for a couple of weeks and before you know it, it is the new norm.
The second goal on the list is exercise ... for both of us. We make the commitment to each other to find something that is fun and gets us moving. Oh the adventures and laughs we have. It’s like Goldilocks and the three bears. You have to try many different things and Kim is a trooper. I have dragged her to many an activity … all sorts of yoga classes (hatha, hot, yin), pilates, zumba ... an unused Steve Nash groupon and she always gives it a go! Kim knows herself best and knows what is going to work for her.
I am a firm believer of slow change. The whole “cold turkey” or “100% jumping in” thing may work for a short period of time but not always for the long term. If we want to affect change in ourselves it needs to be achievable. We need to lean into it. Adding things gradually to get to the place where we aren’t thinking about it anymore … it isn’t new anymore … it is just the new way of being. Then we can layer the next thing. If we try to do it all at once we will get overwhelmed and most likely give up. If we can set ourselves up for success it feels good and we are more inclined to keep going. Those shifts however small all add up and are a crucial part of the puzzle.
Embrace the Goldilocks adventure. Try an exorbitant number of things. Keep going until you find that thing that clicks for you. The path where it feels just right.
We are still looking for ours too.
- Krista
photo: the internet